Torture's finally over.
& I am pleased to tell you that yes people, my 2 month long Facebook hiatus is a success.
And the funny thing is, I don't even miss going on Facebook. Hah.
This year has been one hell of a year. I mean it in a good and bad way.
I've had so much experience working with other people in producing the school magazine (PROOF READING. I HAD NO IDEA HOW LONG IT CAN TAKE), watched a World Cup match while talking on the phone at 2am, made new friends, bitched & complained, struggled through exams, went so high I reckoned that was how it felt like if I had been on drugs, have been hurt so bad I cried so hard & couldn't breathe.
So much has happened, that I find it impossible that all that has happened actually happened in one year.
For the first few months of the year, I was happy & sad. I didn't talk much about what I was going through and how I felt. I guess only a few close friends knew of my situation. I didn't feel like talking about it much because every time I did, I got all these weird um-I-don't-think-what-you're-doing-is-a-good-idea looks. I got so upset a few times along the way I didn't think it was possible for someone to feel that way. I thought that I would be able to go through with it. I even honestly thought it would last forever. But it didn't. Things were so complicated. I knew my friends subtly disapproved of it, & even mum thought what I was doing wasn't a good idea. So I ended it.
Then I decided I would take a few months off to attain closure. Just relax and be myself, you know. But before I could do so I felt pressurised. I felt pushed around. I felt all this unwanted attention thrown upon me. I'm sorry for putting Pei, Mich and especially Aaron through all the "complaining". Honestly I didn't even see it as complaining. Talking about it was just my way of dealing with it.
I thought I got over the whole complicated situation, but really I didn't.
For the past few months, I was in dilemma. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know who to confide in.
I felt confused, and stupid and idiotic. There were times where my thoughts would suddenly drift off and I would find myself in a depressed mood, where moments ago, I'd been the happiest girl on earth.
In the end I found myself confiding in 2 friends, both of whom (no offence & unfortunately) didn't give me the advice I was looking for. The "oh you'll be fine, you can settle this whole thing yourself/ don't think so much about this. time to get back to studying bye!" response wasn't exactly the best advice. I don't think anyone knew what I was really going through. I guess this just shows that you can never tell what's truly beneath a countenance.
In the end I made a total fool of myself by sending out a couple of emails. I probably sounded crazy, stalker-ish and freaky to the recipient. I shall not mention your name here but if you ever happen to stumble across this post I'm really sorry.
So after all that hullabaloo (aka crying & thinking & crying & thinking), I've decided that the best thing right now would be to forget all that has happened, & make a fresh new start.
I NEED CHANGE. I NEED SOMETHING NEW & PRETTY TO DISTRACT ME FROM WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED.
& what better way to make a new start than to start a new blog? (the blog name is just something random I came up with. I like mint & elephants.)
Change is the best way to initiate new beginnings.
:)
It doesn't matter if you don't understand what I'm talking about, it is totally unimportant now.
What's important is that Rachel has finally achieved closure. :)
